The Four Horsemen of Divorce
Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington has done extensive research on what causes marriages to work. He and his team have also arrived at some important conclusions as to what causes divorce.
From their research, they have found four predictors of divorce. Based on these four factors, which they call "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," they can predict with more than a 90% accuracy who will divorce.
Even though any of these issues could be present in any marriage at some point, it is the accumulation of these problems that warrants danger.
The four predictors are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. Even though any of these issues could be present in any marriage at some point, it is the accumulation of these problems that warrants danger.
Let me give you a brief description of each one. As you read through these, I would encourage you to do a quick self-test to see how you rate in each one.
I agree with the finding of Dr. Gottman. After twenty-five years of counseling people in marriage, I have seen first hand the devastation these four issues can unleash. On the other hand, if we will just reverse these four problems and work on the positive side of things, we can insure the success of our marriages. I will leave you with four disciplines that provide a solid foundation for lasting success in marriage.
Don't let the four horsemen ride into your marriage. You can keep them away with some simple, but powerful decisions.